Initial Theories on:
Love: People fall in love for many reasons, or so they say. However, in reality this can largely break down to one reason that spreads to encompass many different types of relations. Nobody wants to be alone. The younger a person is, the more subconscious this reason is, however it is still present. Starting in middle school, crushes evolve from spending time with a person and seeing that you get along with them and enjoy being in their company. For the crushes people have on people they don't really know, they are often caused from seeing a person often with others and in a good or happy mood. While there are exceptions, these exceptions, such as having a crush on the quite kid, always stem from a sense of affinity for a person, which then relates back to belonging. From here, they evolve to high school "relationships" where people test the waters and try and see how well they can get along with an individual. However, standards in high school are often incredibly high to the point where the likelihood of success decreases significantly. Then comes college, where people either choose to dismiss the pursuit of permanent partners for the easier conquest of the temporary. The likelihood of those actually pursuing a permanent partner increase here, as people begin to grasp a better understanding of themselves and reasonable standards. After college, people grow and the rate of people falling in love increases as people get older for the rest of their lives, since there are less and less people to choose from as alternatives. However, as time passes standards lower and acceptance rates climb, to the point where people will fall in love with somebody as long as they get along.
This however is just a theory, and I'm not wholly sure of it myself, but it does make a large bit of sense to me. There is a lot of evidence to people choosing out of necessity for belonging rather than affinity (Although that does make the ability
to belong much stronger). Take for instance, The Walking Dead.
As this image shows, given a smaller selection, people may (Not definite, as it's impossible to truly prove this) just settle for anything, even if they don't truly know one another or connect. As time goes on, these two characters do fall in love, but does this love come from affinity or desperation for companionship? Are they the same?
Family: In many ways, family is just love taken to the next degree. If love is "I don't want to be alone", then family in many ways is "If you die and I'm alone, I have back-ups that are similar to us". This is a continuation of love obviously, but it also expands to not wanting to be forgotten, to having contributed to the world. You want people to see your family, specifically somebody you were instrumental in developing, and go "Hey, _____ raised you and made you who you are today". That is something that outlasts you and everything they do will be because of you. As this is extended, grandparents get credit for the actions of their grandkids, aunts and uncles to nephews and nieces, and so on. However, the further the connection, the less the credit, hence the urge for people to have a family of their own. "Their own", as in they own it and it's representative of them. In addition, family can help you feel better about yourself. If somebody gets fired from work or has a rough day, at the end of it all they can just say "Well, I have a wife and a kid, that's something." Family becomes a possession to them and an award of sorts, to show off. Plus, family is there to make you feel better, so after that long day that person's kid can show them the A they got on a test and their spouse can give them a home-cooked meal and console them. Does this mean that they are being selfish in having a family? Wouldn't it be selfless since they have to give to their family in order to make them happy? Are hermit's and single people with no relatives selfless then even though they give more to themselves directly?
Friends: Friendships form from many of the same origins as love and family relationships. Friends are essentially a more quantitative and often less qualitative form of love relationships. People make friends based on the affinity between them in most cases. That's why people take roommate surveys when getting ready for college, so that they may be placed with people that they are more likely to be friends with and so they have a common starting point to jump off of. However, in many situations, friends represent who, what, and where a person may want to be. If somebody knows that somebody is an actor for instance, they may be envious and try to use them as a jumping off point to their own success. Not every instance is like such, but the better the knowledge you gain from somebody before bonding with them the more likely that the relationship has some form of somebody using another for their own gain.
Roles: People form roles in relationships to try and capture a greater sense of belonging. These roles serve the purpose of artificial affinity in many ways. For instance, if somebody decides to take on the role of the "jock" amongst their friends, since there is already a "nerd" or a "player". These roles typically fall in line with a person's individual personality, however often times people will throw away their personality and identity when they have a severe need for belonging. This is when people are being "fake", another role one can fulfill, however being "fake" is a role nobody wants to fill. These roles form a connection within a group as every role serves an individual purpose and accomplishes different feats. That is why a group with all geek is not very well formed, as they will not have a jock to defend them of to keep them socially relevant. These roles are not always open for the taking, and even if so, not everybody can fit every role. Personality ties in as well, and this is when people develop feelings of inadequacy, as they do not belong because they naturally fill out the wrong roles within their groups.
Genders: People take on gender roles or fight gender roles largely for one reason; to make life easier. If one is to simply accept the gender role of say, a woman, then their life is simple, they only have to worry about maintaining that role, and to do so simply means staying on the path you have set yourself on. Cooking, cleaning, doing what your man says, it's simple. To fight a role is also simple, because you just don't do what the role entails. If you're a man and you don't want to follow your gender role than you don't drink beer, you don't play football, and so on. Making life simple can then make life easier and make you more likely to achieve other goals in life, by having set aside others by accepting the role.
However, the reasons that others force these roles upon others stems from many different origins. While some may do it to make things simpler, you can expect people to fulfill their role and that role is so imbedded in you by society that you don't have to worry about keeping track of things. Another reason people form gender expectations and force them upon others is because of their upbringing. If somebody grew up in an environment where the men brought home the money and the women cooked the food, they expect the same from others, since to them it's normal. They can then force these upon others without even realizing it, causing friction and stereotypes to evolve.
Races: Racism is people trying to group people together in larger collective instead of getting to know them on a personal level. These groupings are formed most frequently by race because it's a very superficial quality that is easily determined and then from there conclusions can be formed. Based on somebody of light skin criticizing one with darker skin, conclusions such as them being dirty or poor or un-pure are often the first to be made. These however also serve to cover up ones own insecurities and curiosities of race, as they show their limited knowledge and serve as an invitation for correction and learning. As a result, racism serves in many ways as a child pleading for help but afraid to say the word. They want to know more and they want help, but they are afraid that they will look weak if they ask for such.
Criminals:
No comments:
Post a Comment