Tuesday, November 3, 2009

HW 18- Big Paper 1, Rough Draft

The dawn of the 2010's is right around the corner. Now is the time to reflect, to look back on what this decade will be known for, where the 60's had hippies, the 70's had disco, the 80's had rock and the 90's had funky colors on everything, the 2000's will be surely known as the digital age. In the last 10 years, everything from the internet to cell phones to video games has exploded onto the scene in ways bigger than ever before. In the end though, as with every decade before this one, a clear conclusion can be drawn. People are addicted to people. Every form of digital-representational-devices can be used to link people together in some form, be in direct or through a common bond over said device. The digital age is simply a new casing over the same product that is mankind.
Like Myspace before it, and Aim before that, and email prior to that (You can go back further to phones and even letters if you really want), Facebook is the top tool to connect the people of the world. If you took a survey of our entire class asking who has a facebook account, you would find that at least 95% of us do. From that, a good 80% of us are on it regularly. This is a common finding for American high school in New York City, and if you expand this to the entire country you will find similar results. So why do people go on it non-stop? Well I can't answer for everybody, but I go on it to connect with everybody I know online. I can talk through normal messaging, quizzes, notes (which reach a group of people), groups centered on a common thread, applications, pictures, and so much more. Facebook has changed the way people talk because you can talk in so many different ways. This is particularly attractive because it gives people the illusion of freedom, the choice to talk to their friends however they like and whenever they can. Facebook doesn't make you respond right away. Conversations that would take minutes in spoken word can take days or weeks on Facebook, making you feel like you are really connecting with somebody even if you aren't. You feel popular when you see how many people talk to you, you feel important in a way that you can look back on so you don't have to rely on memory. People can talk in such an easier fashion, it's no wonder that it's one of the top sites in the world.
The curse of the cellular telephone encompasses almost every American. With a phone on you, which many have or give their children so that they can be safe, you are never truly alone. You are connected to every single person in the world through a simple phone and thanks to this people can connect even more. Take a schoolroom environment for example, under the tables, in their bags, off to the side of the counter, cell-phones are used for texting, talking to people across the room, in the classroom next door, wherever. God-forbid anybody wait to talk to their friends or pay attention, everybody feels the need to be constantly connected to friends they want to be with now. Here's the kicker though, texting doesn't disappear once they go hang out with their friends. And that leads to the next example, a park. Imagine you are surrounded by 10 of your closest friends having a good time hanging out. You feel a vibrate coming from your pocket and you just got a text from somebody who couldn't make it, somebody who maybe doesn't fit into that particular group. So you text, and text and even with everything you need for social interaction available, you choose your phone over your friends to talk to even more. People are rarely satisfied by what they have ready for them at the moment and are constantly searching for more ways to talk to people and as a result more time face down at a screen. And that's not even including the applications they have now...
I love my XBox 360, I'm not going to lie about it or try and hide it. Having the range of games the system provides and the chance to play video games with people all around the world whenever I want to is a very special vice for me. Back in the 90's and early 2000's, video games were a staple of my childhood. When I wasn't out with my friends playing a sport or inside playing with toys, video games were king. I would invite my best friends over and we would play and yell and scream and have a good time. Now though, video games don't need a friend right next to you thanks to the internet. People can play from the safety of their own couch with their friend who is playing on their own couch. As a result, playing video games is a lot easier, but a side effect comes out of the situation. An online persona is created, reflecting your video game mentality. Like for me, I go from normality to a sarcastic shoot-you-in-the-back kind of guy, no respect unless you respect me. My friend who has the most insane temper in the world becomes a mellow, stay-in-the-back kind of guy. Everybody becomes a completely different person and this affects the way that certain people you interact with will see you, which is both good and bad, but in the end is not real.
In conclusion, the 2000's will be known for the surge of digital-representational-devices. The multiple forms of digital-representational-devices are used to interact with people as often as possible but they do not present others with the truth and they separate you from reality. With Facebook relationships grow ever more casual, through texting people grow separated, and through video games our identity is presented in a fractured state. The sad thing is, none of these forms dictate that they have to be used like this, we have the potential to use them the in the same manner that people would interact normally, but we choose to have them veer in this direction, to distance ourselves from everybody else in order to feel included. Why is it that people feel the need to sabotage themselves in order to reach acceptance? Is it not that the devices we use are flawed but rather that humans are? It would seem so, but if you dig deeper into the issue, I'm sure that yet another layer of these issues will be revealed that will point in yet another direction and that nobody will find who is to blame and will instead have to take responsibility and fix things themselves.

2 comments:

  1. Nice introduction, straight to the point and to the thesis.

    I see you used your outline for your first paragraph and fleshed it out minimally; I think it is still strong enough.

    Good evidence in your second paragraph. I just think that you should connect it back to your thesis.

    You talk about wanting to connect before everyone could afford internet and after it. But then you got off topic and talked about how video games can create another identity of someone. I suggest find another evidence if possible, stay on track and keep your thesis in mind.

    I like your conclusion and how you raised another question. I would say remind the reader of all your arguments.

    Lastly, write a connection, a OPV, a significance paragraph.

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  2. Henry,

    For a rough draft, this is really concise. Your direct tone and clear points gave you a strong voice that broke through the paper, and to the reader. I feel like you have a few things to work on though.

    I did like your paper, but I dont think your points were backed up by diverse sources. Actually for the most part, you didn't really use sources, but hypothetical situations and assumed statistics.

    By the time you complete your final paper, I would recommend keeping the basic structure you have now, but instead of saying "I" or "You", put in actual evidence. The problem with using I and You, is that you take away credibility from your paper.

    Don't get me wrong. Your rough draft was really interesting, and I liked it a lot. If the assignment was to write an opinion paper, than you would definitely be on target to having a final draft right here. Buttt, because its a research paper, I would consider taking out some of your opinion, and putting in more evidence (Feed, EBiGFY).

    If you really want to maintain that opinionated tone your paper has, try using your own blog as evidence, and yourself as well. You did this a little bit with the "Xbox" example, but try adding in your "Self experiment" or the surveys, and see how that works.

    Anyway good luck, and make sure you don't lose your voice between this draft and your final.

    Stay ^

    Jake F.

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